Energy, Curiosity and Courage

    Beginnings are the hardest, for me.  Middles, even endings, I can do, repeatedly.  One of my favorite authors thought every Story ought to have at least 3 beginnings; he wrote under at least 3 names, Flann O’Brien, being the one mentioned. He also advocated recycling Literary Characters, rather than creating new ones, claiming that he only needed to invent one, in the book, At Swim to Birds. I seem to recall it has 3 endings.  The prize for Endings, has to go to Richard Brautigan, especially for, A Confederate General From Big Sur, (my favorite of his btw) which ends numerous ways, “…until there are 186,000 endings per second.” 

    Woody Allen’s Play, God, only has a Beginning and an End, though no middle!

I was actually wondering if there might be something to say, for wanting to be a Middle Man.  Now I know that this is supposed to be a bad thing, and yet, I wonder.  I have been known to wander (or appear too), even so there are lot worse traits than curiosity.  I am interested in limits, which interestingly is an important concept and term in audio. 

   It has taken me a number of years; Hundreds of hours recording, troubleshooting. Loading gear, cleaning up when everyone is going home. Most often not drinking while doing Sound, while everyone is getting their Grove Thing On! Researching gear, buying commponets, having to talk my wife into my plans, that can take time! I also investment time, and $, with artists, as well as doing homework, practicing, experimenting, asking questions. I read books from the library, watch tutorials online, all the while building teams; (wow, that is a big clause; it perhaps will serve as an intro?) to say: I’d like to make $ with Music. Yet I know, from experience, as a Contractor, that $ isn’t the best part. Nobody owes me a living. I am trying to contribute to my community. I found Contracting, to be harder than it looks, same goes for making music. I want to produce, what is worth doing, though it isn’t easy. I feel fortunate, to know so many Artists, and to have so many opportunities. I wear many hats, and I am On Call for several. I feel very lucky.
I pass out a fair number of business cards related to music. Networking with Artists I want to work with. I gave a young Duo, a card not long ago, and complimented them on their performance. After we parted, and I went back inside the tavern, I heard one of them yell outloud with joy! Events like that help me keep me going. I do believe in what I am doing, even if I don’t know where it is leading. Ho!
  I say a blessing, Music is before us, and in Music may we remain.

    I have been slow to call it quits; never liked being called a quitter growing up.  I think it is rather difficult, for say, my father’s generation, to understand why I am not earning a salary.  Last year, I was privy to a council of top lawyers in Washington State, and gathered that “taking your child to and from school,” means being Primary Care Giver. Seams somewhat simplistic, though show me something that is! I usually think of my Partner, as Primary Care Giver, even if the best legal minds differ!
 I am calling it quits with Whole Approach Construction and Repair.

     It has been a privilege, to work for so many good people, and make a difference with homes, and sometimes lives. I had between 75- 100 Families as Clients. Thanks for your support, and trust.  I started Whole Approach in 1996.  I worked mostly on older homes, though I did build one from scratch in 2000.  Blood, sweat, and a few tears, though I don’t recall ever shedding any.  I got scared at least once, I had a form nearly burst on a large Foundation; I learned a powerful definition for “Exposure” seeing all hope of making any $ on a job, let alone what reputation I’d be able to salvage.  It worked out well, and I learned a lot.  The short story is I brace my forms better.  I pay attention to work Vibes though too.  I was working with a friend (it meant something different before Facebook), and we had been arguing too much, I actually had a dream about a form breaking, and added some tie wire, that caught the break!  Too close!  That was on my first big pour, as Contractor.

     Nobody except me ever got seriously injured, I received an unknown number of stitches from a tool falling at 32 per second squared.  It was an odd accident, which could have been far worse, I had a bruise next to my eye, a nurse told me, “Your eye socket, did its job!” I had my hard hat in hand, as I had arrived, and was checking in, how best to co-ordinate, our separate work and areas, the air hammer shot off, when it was grabbed by the hose, and I was 2 stories beneath, and unfortunately, in the plumb!  That was by no means the worst experience, I had professionally.

 I got threatened a couple of times, once an Architect told me, “I can break you Mr, you and your Family!” I was out of pocket around 15K, for about 3 weeks had the job shut down, by the aforementioned.  I wrote a letter for my Clients, explaining my actions,(expecting it to be read by a judge-(critis in greek, so a high judge= hypocrite, and yes, Law and Theatre and Religion share court. I want to know more about why the word Critic, is so often in the Arts; likely good history). NOW them was carefully chosen words!) and reminding all parties, that I was “Responsible for all methods, means, and materials” and I successfully completed the Project.  It is a great space I must say.  I had a lot of help.

    I only was threatened with a Lawyer once, and learned about getting it in writing.  I had recommended a plan that would have avoided the aforementioned conflict.  I was able to resolve the problem, though I lost $ and gave up 3 days labor, I got out with my ass intact, smiling clients, got what they needed.  Nice people can attack, when they feel threatened, even if you’re not attacking.  Intention is over rated.  Maybe I will be able to share further.

   Am I droning on?  I read in the Gospels today, the Captain says, “At times people will kill, and think they are doing sacred service”.  Hear that John Kerry, aka Secretary of State?  Hear that Mr. President?  You love to quote Gandhi, and you love to use MLK, who said, “Americans are Strange Liberators”, back when Lt. Kerry was speaking out against the Viet Nam War. It isn’t as simple as being cowards, there more dangerous attitudes, aloofness and compartmentalization.   So little reticence, let alone remorse, we are so god damned sure!     Well not me!  Though I can compartmentalize, I am attempting to connect, generally. 

   I read an article the other day, a Harvard Researcher, says with modern Neurology, and chemicals, religious experience can be cured!  And I imagine a guilty conscious too!  Though the cure has long been attempted, broken hearts, are much better, than nothing at all! It is rather ironic, that much of our understanding of chemistry (Alchemy anyone?) as well as a great deal of scientific inquiry, has been inspired by the religious.  Using chemicals to induce changes of consciousness, many argue is older than agriculture, and rooted in the Origins of religious experience.  Ironic, where does the Iron come in? Maybe it means it doesn’t taste good?  Rust in the Water? An Ironic Tonic, unpun!

    For the last 7 years or so, one of my Technical Advisers, who I am happy to call friend (and son of my Lawyer, who is one of my best friends), also happens to be…young.  Yoda said, “Size doesn’t make one strong” and years alone do not the journey make.  Sometimes people who we really like and respect, we give them space to flourish, perhaps even more distance and time than is comfortable, because we dare not risk hurting them.  Isn’t that the only decent reason to avoid contact, that and self defense? I think I am trying to remember something important. Maybe an article about earning $ on the Internet with music; maybe only 100 are actually doing it? More on this in future Blogs. Inshallah.

    I have been exploring limits and connections for many years, though for several months, I have been wondering about what subjects are people not talking about.  Interestingly, last month I erased a couple of paragraphs from my Blog, because someone asked me to.  For the record, it had been over 25 years since I erased any of my words, for somebody else.  Whether there is a connection, I don’t know, however, both times I think what I wrote were true; I didn’t like erasing, either time.  I was asked to not go into details, so I will practice, vagueness. What added to the pain of this experience is that the person was rather mean towards me, telling me that I had to take it off my website, and belittling me for “having a little Blog”. It is okay to disagree, we don’t have to be mean though! I still hope they come to my Birthday Party! Seriously, I don’t want to offend anyone.

     I spoke with my Partner, which I try to do, about a great diversity of subjects, and they encouraged me to re-write what I said, which I did.  We spoke, as it shook me up a bit.  For over 3 years, I have been not only making an effort to write, I want to encourage engagement, aka communication, something that requires, more than one person, by most definitions.  My Partner is my best friend, though we do disagree from time to time.  When I lamented not having received any comments from readers in months (I have had a couple since, thanks) she said, “Well maybe you should only write about the Music Scene?” And I replied, Yes, and maybe I ought to only write about Sports.  She said, “Good Point, your right.”  It was a little more complicated than that, though I wanted to share the Gist.  She is a cool person, and my best friend.

   I do like writing about Music, and I try to every month.  I actually will confess to wanting to write more about working on houses, and mundane things like home maintenance, to nerdy subjects like how to keep computers tuned up, especially for recording audio.  After all, I have been a carpenter for over 25 years.  Though some of my interests are older than that, I have been reading the Bible since I was 16, the age I began writing too.  Some interests are even older, topped only by science, history and comic books.  Not that I read many comics these days, though I do respect the Medium.  I actually ordered 3 Issues of the Comic, Puma Blues ended in late 1980’s. The stories tend to show a time of environmental distastors, and confusing conspiracies. I especially like the later focus on the history of the first Atomic Boms, and to a lesser extent, Rosewill. As the series covers a number of trips the author took on motorcycle, through the desert, to Los Alamos, and then to Rosewill, and finally, to Mercury, where the Nevada Test Site. The main charcter, has has a tumor removed from his arm, though he is still young. It is very good writing. I had forgotten that the Plot involved an attempted Coup de Ta on April 20^Th, 1995, which prophetically, was the day after, the Oklahoma City Bombing.  Speaking of which, a Tornado went through that area last week, and we remember the many that died, and were injured.  
There is a great B Film, Slipstream, whose premise is that Climate Change creates huge wind storms changing life throughout the world.  There is a great line, spoke by a survivor, “Man against Nature, guess who won!”  Ho!

    Puma Blues, interesting how some memories stay with us.  The issue that catalyzed my search begins, “Remember what you have seen, for everything forgetten, returns to the circling winds ”.  The comic is written by Stephen Murphy, and is illustrated by Michael Zuli, who was later recognized with his work with Neil Gaiman’s Sandman.  Wow, my UK visits at my website, really took off, after calling Gaiman a plagiarist.  I like much of his writing, even if well, admission is an important part of the Journey!  There are many worse crimes, perhaps.  Though blurring vision, let alone identity, seems rarely helpful.  Seems some want darkness, guess the light feels too bright.  I can understand.  Though need the Light be less?

     I wore out my neighbor who teaches physics, years ago.  He gave me a really weird look (more than the usual ones I get!) when I asked him if Photons exist alone, or are they always in groups?  He told me they were singular.  I was pleased to read that Fermions (their spin is ½ and intrinsic momentum of ½ h), are always in Pairs!  Yes, these are Particles, though it makes me wonder all the more.  Lately, I have been thinking, if one could harvest, tap, tie into one Boson aka Higgs (their spin 1, and angular momentum of 1h) (maybe their not single, could be a private matter). If I could only get the Energy from one Higgs, it is more than Horsepower than I will produce in my lifetime (pretty sure).
    So it is in us.

The Punning Materialist, fingers crossed, we get in DSM VI.

My son says the other day, “Dad, I think the Sun is made out of elecricity, it is at least 1000 volts I bet!” I am proud of my 7 year old.

    In College I studied Faust.  My favorite line I learned in school was,” There are limits to freedom, and freedom in limits”.  I am crediting John Milton, of De Anza Community College with that, though really, it was the Gist, of what may have taken a while to say, let alone learn and teach.

    I was thinking this morning, about a Music Video I saw today on Democracy Now by Rise Again, on a Soldier’s Story in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Yesterday was Memorial Day, when we remember those who have died in War.  The 1^st Memorial Day was organized by Former Slaves, to honor Union Soldiers who had fought and died to win their freedom.  This last month, I read,  Co Aytch, by Sam R. Watkins A Confederate Soldier’s Memoirs.  It was written around 20 years after the war.  He was 21, when he joined Company H, with 120 men, and when Johnstone surrendered to Sherman, 4 years later, 7 men were still serving, Private Watkins being one.  I learned much, especially from a foot soldiers perspective, most books are written by officers, who often had rather different experiences, let alone perspectives of War.  It is interesting to learn how badly moral suffered in the Confederacy, from rather Revolutionary beginings. Watkins said many signed up for one year, and were forced to fight, or were shot.  They suffered too, more than is easy to understand.  They believed they were threatened.  Nobody talks much about the Sweat Shops in the North.  Life was nasty, after the Potato Famine especially, remember Gangs of New York? 
Can we follow the $?  The Plantations produced slavery on an Industrial Scale, with thousands of slaves.  Most people in the South did not own slaves, though they received benefits, there were also disadvantages, especially for farmers, trying to grow food sustain-ably, let alone compete.  Some think $ from the North underwrote Slavery.  It is a complex story, worth giving time.  I enjoyed reading the book, and am impressed with the man’s strength, intelligence, and his faith.  It is sad, and unfortunate, that so few try to learn from those they disagree with.  The better for my enemies, and the worse for my friends..I do not jest, for my enemies tell me plainly that I am an Ass, where as my Friends conceal this from me, impoverishing my Soul!  That is my favorite line from Shakespeare.

    There are over 100 people on Hunger Strike as I write, and over 30 being “force fed” at Camp Guantanamo in Cuba.  Many of these people have been held for over 9 years, without anything resembling fair trials, let alone due process.  I don’t know much about these people; however, I respect their strength of will, and their solidarity.  I for one, feel that my Government has done great harm, to millions of people, in the name of Protecting Life.  I understand that many feel they are doing the right thing.  My Country and much of the West (at least NATO), needs to repent, and say something along the lines of: Our Bad.  Our wording can vary.  Yet admitting bad behavior is the most important step, in the Healing Process. 

    So I could play it safe, say, How about those Seahawks?  Or I can try, to talk, and share these questions, ponderings, and once a month, for over 3 years.  WordPress tells me that I have had over 500 views, 382 from the USA, over 140 from Canada, and Ireland and the UK both have 6 views each (UK jumped to 31 after my scathing epistle, and I have had one view from Spain!  I bought the website in June of 2012, after more than 2 years trying to Blog on Facebook.  They hadn’t gone Public, and well, Cyber Real Estate aka Turf seems desirable, to me.  While I backup some Audio in the Clouds, I keep most on hard drives.  There were some legal, and perhaps ethical reasons I pursued some Cyber Space.  Now I personally would like the InterNet to cost less.  It is ironic that the InterNet, which was original not commercial and it, cost more for the people who live in the Country that created it, than anywhere except Cuba and North Korea, the last communist countries, it was built to fight!  Ironically, technology is rather advanced, in all previous fronts of the Cold War.            

    Less than 20 years ago, few would have believed that Russia, rather than the US would be keeping the International Space Station supplied, they transport people and trash to back and forth as well!   I grew up dreaming of working in Space when I was a child.  I gave up on that dream, not sure when exactly, though difficulty in Math, might be part of my excuses. I had a lot of trouble with Algebra. 

   My daughter helped check my Math, for the back stairs.  It was never easy building stairs, though it is harder, since the Accident, nearly 5 years ago.  It means more than words, to have children.  I have been thinking it over, and think I am going to wait until next April, to publish Adult Content.  Not anything too weird planned, though I have some old poems, and stories, I want to risk sharing.  I do have modesty, and respect.  It is complicated already, and my Mother in Law has mentioned reading my posts.  I love her dearly, and have been extra careful what I mention, ever since she watched Spinal Tap.  “I didn’t understand all of it, though it was funny”.  God Bless Her.  That was nearly 20 years ago.  It has been raining a lot.

    I don’t mean to write so many words, though I know I can do so, so I try to Blog once a month.  I will often post a poem a month too.  Seems part of what it is I am trying to do.  I will try and focus more on music next month.  I was feeling some stuff.  Almost embarrassed, though my Wife says I should feel proud, that I translated an incident, from the Gospel of Mark, and I published it.  I was extra surprised when it received more views than any Poem I have published.  I called it that, as I feel translating, sometimes involves poetry.  Greek is a poet’s language, very beautiful, and the first phonetic language to be written in the world.  I hope to try translating, some other incidents, from the Gospels. I was also thinking about writing about advice from the Gospels that I wonder if might not be the best, or at least need some updating, I for one, am strugling with, though that will be another time. Thanks for reading, Inshallah.